You Are Only Out Of The Fight If You Don't Get Back Up.......

Sometimes life just wallops you.

No rhyme, no reason. Just a big fat right hook straight across your face, knocking you sideways and leaving you bloodied and fighting for breath on the floor.

Thats just life.

For those of you who tune in regularly and watched the latest vlog, you will be fully aware that I just got knocked out 15 seconds into the first round of a new challenge last week, and right now I am sat a little dazed in the ring, trying to figure out where to go from here. (Don't you just love an analogy!)

The small child, (my youngest and tallest one at 6ft 2") has left home. At 17 he has decided that he knows best, has learnt everything he needed to from me and has moved into the next stage of his life. As parents, we all know this day is coming but what I can categorically confirm is that no matter whether they are 17 or 27, its akin to being hit by a train, and nothing you can say or do will change anything. When they are ready, they are ready.

The question is, as a parent, when the dynamic changes so dramatically, what do you do?

How do you let go, and how do you continue to navigate all the hurdles that life throws at you when your purpose for being has walked out the door and is beginning their own journey?

For my parents, it happened when I was 17 as well, and for the record, I was a horrible teen. Never I hear you whisper, but its true!

I feel most of us can pick moments that we were awful, (apart from him indoors who is known as the golden child), but for the most part, we are okay. I however was not.

I was rebellious and angry and determined to prove that I didn't need my parents.

When my dad finally threw me out at 17 in sheer desperation, and with the hope the council would send me packing and I would come home, I was adamant that I would be okay.

Unfortunately for us both they didn't, and I ended up with a little one bed flat the size of a shoebox, trying to master the art of being a grown up way before I was ready to be!

(Only bonus, I could cook in the buff whenever I wanted to and that was the very first thing I did!)

Looking back on it now, I probably should have admitted defeat and gone home. I knew where I was best off, but that stubborn streak inside me, (thanks for that parental units), and the need to prove everybody wrong completely overshadowed any common sense I may have had.

The way I look at it now is that I am who I am because of those experiences and not inspite of them. Every single choice that was made, good or bad has shaped the person that sits here furiously typing away today whilst she tries to get her head around the actions of a 17 year old that she intimately knows only too well!

The thing is, throughout my life, I never gave up. I never stopped fighting.

In reality, I am not sure I actually know how to but I don't consider that a bad thing. Even at my worst moments, I would disappear, tend to my wounds and hide whilst I rebuilt, and then re-emerge stronger with a new mindset.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes it took everything I had and then some to be able to do that, but I grew up watching two people never give up no matter what life threw at them, (thats you mum and dad), and it taught me that you are only out of the fight when you stop getting back up.

My world changed a week ago in the most dramatic of ways. My identity changed completely and my purpose for being was ripped away.

All of a sudden I am left vulnerable and lost and a little confused by the whole thing. (I know - very dramatic), but when you have been a parent for so long, especially a single one, and the last cuckoo flies the nest, the whole dynamic changes and you begin to question what you are doing moving forward.

Not going to lie, like I said earlier, the change is like being hit by a train but now its all about looking at the positive and creating an environment that allows you to really focus on the things that you put to one side for all those years while you were being mum.

The last week has been a week of me looking for the silver lining. Let me give you an example.....

This past week my kitchen has been tidy pretty much all the time.

There are no cereal bowls left on the side of the bath or wet towels shoved into the cupboard making everything smell damp.

There isn't a bedroom full of dirty dishes with at least one dish that has the beginnings of a whole new life form which may or may not destroy us all!

My dressing table isn't being commandeered by a young man who preens more than I do and uses my hairdryer to dry his body rather than going about it the traditional way with a towel.

There is no cooking at 1am because he is hungry and a bowl of cereal just won't do.

There are no boxer shorts shoved down the side of the bathroom sink or clothes left lying on the floor because apparently that is where they live after you've had a bath, a shower or in Alex's case, both at the same time!

There are no empty milk cartons in the fridge. No empty biscuit tins in the cupboard. No empty cereal boxes or wrappers lying around.

But.................

My kitchen has been tidy pretty much all the time.

There are no cereal bowls left on the side of the bath or wet towels shoved into the cupboard making everything smell damp.

There isn't a bedroom full of dirty dishes with at least one dish that has the beginnings of a whole new life form which may or may not destroy us all!

My dressing table isn't being commandeered by a young man who preens more than I do and uses my hairdryer to dry his body rather than going about it the traditional way with a towel.

There is no cooking at 1am because he is hungry and a bowl of cereal just won't do.

There are no boxer shorts shoved down the side of the bathroom sink or clothes left lying on the floor because apparently that is where they live after you've had a bath, a shower or in Alex's case, both at the same time!

There are no empty milk cartons in the fridge. No empty biscuit tins in the cupboard. No empty cereal boxes or wrappers lying around.

I know, crazy eh?

You see, all those things drove me absolutely wild. They really did but in reality, my house was alive, albeit in a very annoying way at times.

It supported a family but now the narrative has done a complete 180, and all the stuff that seemed to matter is actually so unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

So as a parent, what do we do when the mini me's pick up and decide to start their own life?

First and foremost, we let ourselves grieve.

You will always be mum or dad.

You will always be their safe haven in a storm but at some point, they have to step away and discover their own lives. They have to assert their independence and they have to make their own mistakes.

As long as that door is always open, that is as much as you can do at this point so cry, shout, do whatever you need to but let the hurt and anger out because its counter productive.

This is a step that was always going to come, and if your child is ready then you need to remember this one very important fact..........

You did your job right!

After the grief is done, you take stock and you look inwards because do you know what musers? This is all of a sudden your time - in every sense of the word and you have the chance to truly embrace everything that you ever wanted.

Scary, I know, but after 20 something years of focusing on somebody else you get to be a little bit selfish and start to do you - however that looks - whatever that is.

Do you know just how exciting that actually is, once you get your head around it of course!

The only thing that can stop you is you!

So, like the man says -

'The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it aint about how hard it hits. Its about how hard you get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. Thats how winning is done.'

Rocky Balboa

Until next time...........

The thing is, for me, its straight to the keyboard to try and work through lifes latest knockout - pick up the pieces and start moving forward again because like the big man says - 'Thats how winning is done!' and to date, I haven't stopped getting back up and have no intentions of doing so.