When Angels Get Their Wings Too Soon

I know, its been a couple of weeks and I will be honest, the writers block has kicked in massively with everything that has gone on. Sometimes, taking a step back works. Other times not so much!

I don't know about you guys but the last couple of weeks has really reminded me just how precious family is, and how easily the people we love can be taken away from us with no warning at all.

For those of you who are new to the musers family, I am a mum to two amazing kids, both of whom have left home now and are doing their own thing. You don't look old enough I hear you say, how could that be? (Insert laughing face here!)

In all seriousness though, I couldn't be prouder of my bambino's, otherwise known as small child and large child, and although I wasn't quite ready for them stepping out into the world alone, they are doing an amazing job of building their own lives and grabbing independence with both hands.

(Obvs, this means an obligatory embarrassing picture of them must be shown!)

The thing is, for those of us in the UK, parents or not, this past week has really brought home just how unbelievably quickly those precious people in our lives can be taken away from us.

On the 29th July, at a summer holiday yoga/dance session, the lives of three beautiful little girls were taken in an attack that can only be described as incomprehensibly evil and vicious, and when the suspect was revealed as a 17 year old boy, someone who was still legally a child himself, the utter disbelief around the country was palpable.

Bebe - 6, Elsie - 7 and Alice - 9 had their whole lives ahead of them.

First kiss, first job, first love, first heartbreak, first child, first home..... I could go on and on. All those moments that we have all lived and never really considered as anything more than the next stage of our journey were snatched away before they had even had the chance to experience them, and to date, nobody knows why.

There is no explanation currently as to what sent a 17 year old boy to a place dark enough to kill, and maybe that is something that we will never know.

It has forever changed the country, leaving an abyss of sorrow and anger that has spilt over into violence, aggression and division for a nation that needed to come together and mourn the loss of those babies rather than attacking one another.

I don't want to give the boy that did this, or the racist bastards that are using it as an excuse to attack innocent people any more air time than they have already had, but I do want to talk about family, about time and about love.

I would be the first one to hold my hands up and say that I sometimes forget that we aren't immortal. Until you are faced with the loss of someone, life feels as if it will go on forever and sometimes, I think this can make us lazy when it comes to showing the people that we love how important they are to us.

We all have our own love language. For some we show love through gifts, for some its time, for others its physical closeness or words. The way we express how we feel is personal and unique and in my experience, it can change dependant on the person you are showing love to.

For me, the love language that works is physical intimacy, time and words. I have never been one for gifts or expensive gestures. Its always been about time or the thought behind the action, the words that are used or the physical intimacy that comes from someone I love.

A hug can say a thousand words, portray a hundred different emotions and has more power than anything else in my experience.

Time and attention mean so much more than expensive gifts that require little thought, and that means full attention.

No distractions.

No screens.

When something like this happens, as a parent it makes me wonder. If I were to lose one of my bambino's unexpectedly, have I done enough? Have I been enough? Did they have my time and attention when they needed it and was I the parent that I could have been, or did I cut corners and opt for the lazy option rather than being what they needed me to be?

When they lose me, what will they remember?

Will they know how much I loved them and that they are my absolute world, or did I not show that in the way that I should have?

Will they understand that even when I was frustrated and irritated and life was a little more than I was able to cope with, they were always my priority and that even when I struggled to show that, they were always more important than I was ever able to truly show them?

The world has become so fast paced, so aggressive and so distracting. Between facebook, instagram, tik tok and all the rest of the madness that sucks up our days, we forget about the time that should be spent speaking to our kids. Spending time with them. Hugging them and letting them know they are loved more than anything else in the world.

As we have so violently been reminded, tomorrow is not promised. Today is a gift and we need to embrace it and those we love as if we will never see them again, because just like those three beautiful little girls who will never come home again, life is fleeting and can be taken away in a heartbeat.

To my two amazing boys, I love you more than you will ever understand. You have been, and continue to be my greatest joy. You have made me more proud than I deserve to be, and everything you have achieved and will achieve has been down to you, your hard work and your determination.

You are without a doubt, my greatest achievement.

Nothing else in life will come close to who you are and what you have become and are still to become.

I know I don't say it enough but I love you and I am so excited to see where you will go. The world is your oyster and your potential is endless.

I consider myself incredibly lucky to have been able to be part of your lives.

Never doubt who you are and what you can be and remember, you are loved. You are so very loved.

I cannot begin to imagine the pain the families of Alice, Elsie and Bebe are experiencing, and alongside them, the families of the other children and two adults who were critically injured in the attack.

Its incomprehensible.

Hold your children just a little closer and love them just a little bit harder, because there is no way of knowing how long those precious souls will be with you.

Until next time..........