The minute you stop living is the minute you start dying.....

For those of you who don't know, this week has been mental health awareness week. I have always spoken quite openly about the things that I have experienced because without honest and open conversation, the stigma's attached to these things will never disappear. This week has not been any different.

The thing is, this has become so much bigger for me than I could have ever anticipated over the last few days, and I wanted to share with you why.

If you haven't already figured it out, this page has become almost a form of therapy for me. Its somewhere I can openly talk about life and hopefully, in amongst the stories and the moments of craziness, there are lessons that I learned that will maybe help avoid someone else making the same mistakes. Even if it doesn't, what I do know is that it provides some laughter which is as much as I can hope for.

My story started 46 years ago on the 2nd October. (Commit that date to your diaries please musers ;)

As I am sure you can all imagine, I was the perfect baby - you at the back, stop laughing!

I still cringe when my parents tell the stories of my childhood, although inside me there is that warm glow that comes with sharing memories - especially memories that I was too young at the time to remember.

Being able to share those moments as an adult is a wonderful thing, and being able to experience the laughter that they still bring to my parents is pure magic.

My mum was so much better as a mother than I was. I don't say that for sympathy. It is just a fact of life!

She had it down to a fine art. She kept a journal for me and my brother and sisters. From the day that we were born up until the point that we were old enough to take over that responsibility, she religiously wrote in it, filled it with photos and attached cuttings of things that were important at that particular time.

It is one of my single most treasured items because it tells my story.

Its not how I remember it through the confusion and chaos of childhood, but instead, its told through the eyes of the woman who carried me inside her and carefully guided me through every step of my childhood - both good and bad.

It is a testament to the love, the patience and the life that her and my dad provided for me and that is what makes it priceless.

The thing is, what I have realised looking back through it is that as a child, I lived.

I truly embraced everything that life had to offer and I made the most of every moment.

As a child, my energy never seemed to fade. I could run and jump and play and still keep going, no matter what. I would climb trees, swim in rivers, ride bikes, write stories, go on epic adventures through the pages of wonderful novels, run around with my friends and not care about anything.

Life was to be lived and I wanted to experience everything that I could. It was so much simpler because nothing got in the way. Priorities were completely different and fun was absolutely the name of the game!

The thing is though, becoming an adult didn't ever need to change that.

Unfortunately, the sad reality seems to be that as we get older and our responsibilities change, we begin to forget how to be that child that we once were, and our ability to just live for the moment begins to disappear.

We forget to hold on to the childlike wonder that we once had and instead begin to become jaded and cynical.

Mental health awareness week for me has really brought to the forefront just how important being able to embrace your inner child is.

I've spent a lot of time just thinking about life this week and the twists and turns that I find myself experiencing every single day.

For me, its been the realisation that actually, the destination really doesn't matter.

Its the journey that is important.

The older I get, the more I am beginning to realise that personal growth means the destination will always be changing and that if it doesn't, the reality is that you are standing stagnant and not allowing yourself to truly experience all the beauty that life has to offer.

For a long time, my life stood stagnant. For a long time I was very lost.

I couldn't see the future. I could only see survival and getting through to the next moment that would allow me to stop and breathe and just be.

Life was so noisy. It was full of aggression and anger and pain and my ability to embrace the best of it was gone.

I wasn't living anymore. I was slowly putting one foot in front of the other towards dying and I had no idea because survival had become the top priority.

Every once in a while, the child I had buried deep inside me would appear, demanding to be heard and seen and allowed to play, and for just a moment, life would seem worth the fight.

For me though, the moment my inner child refused to be buried again was about 4 and a half years ago, and I have never looked back!

Ladies, just so you know, don't be afraid of your 40's.

They are lifechanging and I'm going to tell you why.

Your 40's bring about a complete change in the way that you think and feel and view the world.

We all know that in our 20's, we are finding ourselves and we really don't have a clue who we are. They are filled with insecurity and a need to be what other people want us to be rather than being who we are. We are people pleasers and regularly hit burn out rather than just saying no! For those of you who figured out how not to be that person in your 20's - bravo!

We worship at your feet because most of us were a little pathetic!

Our 30's are generally a little more stable. We should be a little more settled, clearer on what we want from life and beginning to understand that caring about ourselves is as important as caring about the people around us. This is the decade that we really begin to understand self care.

Unfortunately for me, I was a little late to the table. My own fault in the fact that I had made the wrong choices, and as a result, I found myself in a situation that was detrimental to my mental and physical health. It took me a while to step away from that. I was scared to make the decision I knew I should because I didn't know how to, so my life stagnated for almost 8 years.

Then 40 came, and with it came an inner child that wouldn't shut up and the beginning of a whole change in attitude. I realised that if I didn't make the change, I probably never would and that this would be my life.

Controlled, fearful and empty.

All of a sudden, in amongst all the noise and chaos and panic, when I just stopped and listened and looked inside me, there was this quiet little voice guiding me in the right way and if I let it, it would give me the strength and the courage to do what I need to.

I began to get to know me and during that process, I began to recognise that there were elements of my life that were not healthy and needed to be removed.

My tribe began to shrink and those people who were not good for my mental health were removed from my circle. This was never about them. They had their own needs but I was no longer going to be the person who fulfilled them, because in doing so, I was neglecting myself.

I began to realise that becoming reactional because of someone elses actions was giving away my control, so I stepped away from activities that caused me to be angry and emotional and began to learn how to just breathe when someone did something that upset or angered me. That long single breath gave me the chance to defuse a little and take back my control.

(Still working on that one by the way! Definitely a work in progress)

I learned that I don't have to fight every single battle and I began to learn to forgive. Not for the sake of the people who had hurt me but for me, because to hold onto that hate and anger and pain was like choosing to drink poison every single day.

It was toxic and detsructive and would slowly destroy me.

I decided that I would take every chance that life threw at me and embrace it because I wanted to live. I didn't want to just survive anymore and in doing that, I have had some amazing experiences and met some incredible people!

From a naked man living his best life in the Lake District to a man who was involved with the IRA as a child in Belfast, I have been able to live life briefly through other people's eyes and experiences and boy has it been exciting!

I have learned to love my own company and think nothing of going out or going away on my own. Sometimes, not having to consider someone else for a short while is the most amazing way to travel!

40 was my rebirth. It was the beginning of seeing the value that I bought to the table and demanding that the people I had in my life not only saw it too, but respected it and embraced it.

Don't get me wrong, its a daily choice to embrace everything that gets thrown at you, and there will always be those days that you get up and just don't want to have to 'be', but thats okay.

The occasional shit day happens to the very best of us. You muddle on through it, get an early night and start again the next day with a new mindset and a fresh purpose.

Life is for living musers. In the whole lifespan of the earth, our time on it is miliseconds. We only get a very short period of time to experience the beauty that this spinning ball of energy and life has to offer so embrace every second that you can.

Take off your shoes and feel the ground beneath your feet. Smell the flowers. Breathe in the fresh air and look up at the sky. Put your phone in your pocket and look around you. Soak your world up and try not to miss anything, because every single second you are here is so unbelievably precious.

Choose to start living every single second you have because the minute you stop making that choice is the minute you start dying.

Until next time.............